Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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