lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
