hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we're so committed to being not committed
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
