he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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