I think I died a long time ago.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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