I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
