He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
