In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
