Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
