Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
soo... how was my night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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