i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
