It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I enjoy the company of your penis
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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