rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
