Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
