You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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