i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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