So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
