I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just gargled with NyQuil
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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