Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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