Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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