My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
