I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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