if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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