Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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