is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
