office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
