don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
