I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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