i think i have herpe
just one?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
