If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
