She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
