the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
