I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I will die if light touches me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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