actually, I'm a sock model
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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