One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
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