it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
