24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
