I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
