I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
