Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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