Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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