I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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