One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
