i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
