I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize