How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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