It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
