I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.