2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it