Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i already hear my dad disowning me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep