literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
