it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.