I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"