I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
