i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
