Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I cannot find my penis.

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  (617): I cannot find my penis. http://tfl.nu/w331
  Replies (32) Good night (921) Bad night (2535)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.

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  (312): I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved. http://tfl.nu/f2dp
  Replies (5) Good night (3147) Bad night (1011)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose

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  (780): So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose http://tfl.nu/01tr
  Replies (30) Good night (1310) Bad night (3818)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?

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  (815): I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed? http://tfl.nu/umcp
  Replies (13) Good night (4115) Bad night (1496)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.

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  (440): Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet. http://tfl.nu/2c2c
  Replies (10) Good night (3556) Bad night (1122)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.

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  (704): they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming. http://tfl.nu/eg1m
  Replies (6) Good night (4258) Bad night (1110)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.

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  (727): These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular. http://tfl.nu/78s0
  Replies (6) Good night (1437) Bad night (3582)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job

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  (860): I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job http://tfl.nu/ok5l
  Replies (26) Good night (1237) Bad night (5358)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.

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  (312): If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops. http://tfl.nu/hm3g
  Replies (1) Good night (1101) Bad night (2519)
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  (805): View more from California

  We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.

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  (805): We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits. http://tfl.nu/3ys3
  Replies (17) Good night (1177) Bad night (2694)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head

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  (815): I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head http://tfl.nu/qmtv
  Replies (18) Good night (1459) Bad night (1962)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.

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  (604): I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me. http://tfl.nu/gmo1
  Replies (8) Good night (1312) Bad night (586)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.

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  (479): Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success. http://tfl.nu/y7jz
  Replies (4) Good night (2599) Bad night (487)
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  (209): View more from California

  Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol

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  (209): Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol http://tfl.nu/3jn5
  Replies (1) Good night (865) Bad night (427)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.

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  (928): I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish. http://tfl.nu/fekx
  Replies (0) Good night (618) Bad night (317)

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