The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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