Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.

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These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Read it at the TFLN blog
(603): View more from New Hampshire

it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis

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(763): View more from Minnesota

FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.

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(813): View more from Florida

The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.

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(515): View more from Iowa

If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.

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(425): View more from Washington

Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.

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