in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
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Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.