you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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