the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.