I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
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sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby