Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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