Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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