Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
