I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
