Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
