I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
