It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
