During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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