Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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