you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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