I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
