She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
