as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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