So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
