He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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