Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
