i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
