thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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